I can't believe I just posted this

Look what I got! I found this delightful little box set of Wind in the Willow's by Kenneth Graham. When I was a wee 'un, I loved the TV series of The Wind in the Willows, but I am sad to report I never read the books. I couldn't resist buying it, I do love it!
The books come in this beautiful box, with lovely illustrations
and folds out to show the map of the wood and where they all live.
I think it was the map that clinched the deal, just gorgeous! I can't wait to start reading them over cups of coffee and comfy chair and no interruptions!

As I was admiring my wee box set, it brought me back to my younger years. I went to speech and drama classes for years, reciting poems and proses in competitions for years. (Could I recite one now? Not a chance.) I will always remember the first play I was ever in.

Funnily enough, it was The Wind in The Willows. I remember my teacher telling me I had a part and I was over the moon until I asked what part I would be playing. "The toad Claire! The toad of toad hall!" Of course I was. And nobody wanted to be toad. He was a toad! So here I am, yellow swimming cap, goggles, face painted green with crayon, and a cushion stuck up my suit. Seemed to set a trend throughout my life in makeup and fashion.
I had many uses as a child and here are a few of them:
When the TV would go on the frizz, a big satellite dish disguised as a bow was put on my head, and I'd have to sit there for hours on the arm of that sofa and not move. Especially when my dad was watching the news.
I also did a stint as a literature reviewer. Looking at this, the book gets a thumbs up. That or I have just dumped in my nappy.
I had quite a job of trying to entice some silly fools walking up and down the street to put 20p in my basket because I was dressed as little red riding hood. No other reason, just that. As the night fell, I ended up just asking somebody for the money.
(No, it's not a boy, it is me. My dad cut my hair with a mixing bowl and pair of shears. Although I did glance at the picture once or twice, I kept on thinking it was my brother)

I was also once technical NASA consultant before Bill Gates came along and introduced windows. It all went wrong for me and as you can see I have lost all ability to use computers properly and not blog correctly. Why, Bill, why? I was so happy playing Chucky Egg on floppy disks! (SHIFT BUTTON AND SPACE BAR! FIRE!) Now that, I could play!

Not hard to see the well adjusted person I turned out to be judging by this photos. Well, Happy Monday to you and keep on truckin, because it will all too soon be Monday again!

Tom Cruise, I am jumping on that sofa with ya!

Well peeps, hows your weekend treating you? Very well I hope! I have been gob smacked yet again in blog land by receiving two awards by ladies I am most proud to be associated with. That fact they even read my blog AND comment on it leaves me humbled and all gooey like!

Audrey (if you do not know this woman's name, you have not lived in blog land, in fact, stop reading this and link! If I haven't linked properly as per usual find her on my followers. Don't judge me! She's the picture that looks like action woman on the parachute. If that is not incentive enough, I don't know what is!) Anyway, Audrey lifts my day with her posts and I actively search (stalk) my reading list for them. Her Friday shoot outs are fantastic! Check out her latest one on reflections! Not a better tribute to them! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Audrey, honoured to be receiving the award from you!
Oh my God, Oscars moment! (Breathe Claire, Breathe). Isn't this a beautiful award? It is entitled Mental duck to mental swan. Though just plain old mental would have fit me down to a tee! Now, this enchanting piece of bling was bestowed on me by a wonderful lady called Sarah. (Once again, link please!) This is a special award that I am not allowed to pass on, (honestly, Sarah said so!) and that she gives out once in a blue moon.

WOW. Bowled over, smacked in the face with a frying pan, YAHHHHHH! In other words, a heart filled thank you! Now I know how Tom Cruise felt when nobody got why he was jumping on the sofa with Oprah. Nothing wrong with that, I am doing it now! I better stop though, I may break it, and I just told lovely land lady about the oven, oh, and the leak in the ceiling, but not about the crack in the bathroom mirror from me tightening the screws in to the wall too tight. Oops!

I have received these wonderful awards and felt I had to honour them. I got a kreative blog from Audrey for heavens sake and the most creative I have been recently is sitting on my arse and moaning! So, Rolf Harris eat your heart out son!
I started drawing circles (takes up a lot of page space so you don't have to draw as much)
Started doodling oddling, (whatever that means)
and came up with a sort of pirates theme.
I doodled away until I came up with this.

So this is for you, Audrey and Sarah, my way of saying thank you back, you have made my blogging day!

If I get get swine flu, I so deserve it.

I did some thing bad. I am not allowed to tell any body, but I will tell you. This is how secret I think my blog is. (This is gonna bite me in the ass, isn't it?) OK. Here we go.

Last night I was on a roll. I was surfing through the Daily newspapers (National Enquirer, Star etc.) and spied upon Mel B from the Spice girls looking pretty amazing, with abs and all that. I suddenly thought, "I want to be like her!" I really got into it, you know, thinking "where can I buy those things called tracksuits?" and "whats my shoe size?" I vowed that tomorrow, coffee and cream cakes out and ice and seeds in!

Today:
I decided that twenty minutes after this revelation, that I am going to put this project on the side burner for now, considering I hardly have the money to buy food right now, so I guess it could been seen as a win win situation. Plus I walk up and down six flights of stairs everyday to get to my flat. That and the fact that they are practically vertical and leaves you plastered to the sofa, gasping for breath for at least twenty minutes afterwards. I think this should subsist.

I got into work early ready to take on the day! Woohhoo! 2 hours later I was sorry I did. There had been trouble brewing for a while and it all came to a head. Over the Christmas night out. (Give me strength)No, not the children like, never mind them. I work with fifteen other women and they all had PMS. At one point I had to drag some one out of the room and say "Stop giving me dirty looks! A child was climbing out the window the whole time!" and "Stop crying, go outside and calm yourself down, you look like Alice Cooper!"

Being the manager of a nursery is a pain in the arse. Not the children, I have never had belly laughs like them, but these things must I guess. I went outside for a breath of fresh air, and decided to sort it out. I sat them all down and let it turn into like an episode of The View. After twenty minutes of very near clawing and the occasional, "now, now" and"steady, steady" from me, they all got it out of their systems and were hugging and happy. The Christmas night out was not even mentioned once. Sigh.

After this episode, I was unbelievably tired, (Yet proud of the way I handled the tripe that ensued or that I wasn't arrested on charges of GBH for punching another staff member)and wanted to bunk off. It wasn't busy at all, in fact half the children are off because of the fear of swine f.... swine flu. Yes, I thought,"that should do it. Not saying I actually had swine flu, because that is just wrong, but just let on, you have the runs??"
Now,I know what your thinking "but you are the manager!!!" and "how could you?" But.... I have a even bigger NEW manager (who scares me slightly) and I have never gone off pretend sick before. Expect one day in school I wanted to play sickie and put Vick's (not Vaseline as instructed) in my eyes to make it look like you are crying. Hospital food isn't that bad to a seven year old.

So I theatrically dashed to the toilets a couple of times, which is placed right opposite my boss open door, crying "Oh no! Not again!" clutching my belly and trying to catch her eye. (Crashing into the door a couple of times, yes)
Job done, I then walked all wobbly to her door and explained my (horribly acted) plight. She immediately grabbed into her bag, pulling out an industrial sized anti Bax spray and soaking me in it while covering her mouth and giving me a disgusted look. "I'll go get some cover for my shift shall I?" as I slipped and slided on her plastic flooring.

Outside to freedom, and smelling strongly of chemicals, I got out my trusty mobile, (two blocks away from work and with a wig on, I ain't stupid.) and rung the big fella to pick me up in the trusty steed called car.
"I can't, you have the car keys." Monotone voice on big fella is grating. "How, when, why,don't talk wet!" came sputtering out of my mouth before I had a flash back of laughing earlier when I spied his keys in my bag thinking "ha ha". "It's alright, I'll get the bus!" I said. "No you won't, I am sitting here looking at your purse you left behind on the table this morning."Monotone voice screeching through my ears as I imagined big fellas smug face.

Two hours later, sweating, knackered and no in the mood for pleasantries (It's a long, mostly up hill two hour walk) I was faced with my six flights of vertical stairs. Served me bloody right, don't you think?

The one where she wanted to make a gingerbread house forgetting one important factor

Some things who may or may not know about me:
Series one, part one:

* I would love to make a ginger bread house. I always thought it was sooo Christmassy. I got all the ingredients for a basic one (I could not afford all the other decorations and stuff for it, and besides it's not even Christmas yet!) and got all excited as I thought "I haven't baked anything in ages!"


After work I searched like a demon for sugar, flour, dropped lottery tickets etc in a VERY busy supermarket, (which I detest) and paid quite a price for everything to boot! Then I waited 45 minutes on a bus which was full of sulky, screeching teenage school girls, who kept on banging me on the head with their book filled school bags as they the were making use the bus alise, pretending they were in a episode of project runway. I then dragged the seven bags of shopping (SOLELY made up of the gingerbread ingredients, plus a big bag of M&Ms. I was feeling naughty.) down my trillion mile long street.

I heaved the bags up the six flights of ungodly stairs and burst into my kitchen, collapsed on the floor, sweat weeping out of me,(well, it is a heatwave in July not December Claire.....) bags everywhere. As I gazed up I noticed a gaping hole in my oven and suddenly remembered it had blown up not so long ago.Ahh, so that's why I haven't baked in ages. THE BLOODY OVEN DOES NOT WORK.

Heavy with heart and BO, I vowed to make a pact with myself to make a gingerbread house if it dammed well killed me!
(exaggeration there, maybe if it give me the cold or something) and also to find some armpit perfume soon because I stunk! So here it is:

A much healthier version too, if I don't say so myself, (although the seashells can bit slightly crunchy and have sea salty taste.)
Now that you have read this tripe which I thank you for, go on over to our friend Sarah and show her some support and promise me that you will give her a hug.

An interview with a domestic witch

Hello all! Hope you are having a good weekend so far! I have the place to my self and no better time for a good old blog post! The lovely domestic witch has done the brave thing and asked me for a wee interview, with the following wonderful questions. Brace yourselves.

1) What is on your summer to do list?

If you had of asked me this question a month ago, I would have mumbled "nothin!" like a sulky teenager, but over the past few days, I have realised life is what you make it! (Also, I love to write lists. Do nothing about them, I just like writing them. That, and then blame the big fella for not reminding me. Only fair like.)

So, first thing on my list:



*. Find somebody willing to risk life and death to clean these windows. They are covered in dried in sand like rain drops and bird poo! This is not a major whine, but it is hard when I am too lazy to go outside to take photos and then moan about the dirt on the windows and the glare of the flash on the picture.

Another is when I spend the whole weekend cleaning everything in sight as Big fellas wee Granny (who was awarded Liverpool's most notorious cleaner five years running in her time) comes over for dinner and looks about the place and says, "your windows need cleaning"



I will find out which one these birds are doing this public display of pooing and.........er.........report them!
But I tell you one thing, I am certainly not attempting to clean the windows myself anytime soon. Gulp!



* No, don't worry, I haven't found Micheal Jackson's other glove, it's just a picture of me representing palmistry. That's another topic I am quite interested in and hope to study it through the summer!



*Weather folklore:

I have grown fond of the clouds that pass by my poo stained windows, and have in turn become interested in weather. I always find the weather forecasts to be completely wrong and it bugs me. So considering the view I have got, I think it would be a wasted opportunity not to. I am researching different cloud formations and the other night I said to the big fella, "I predict it is going to rain". "Yeah, he said, "those big black clouds over head would tell anyone that." So, it's a work in progress, but it did rain, so I wasn't wrong! Ah Ha!


* My market stall. About two years ago, I was drawing a lot, making bags and pillow cases, knitting, the works and was planning to sell it at a local fair held every month. I booked my spot and planned for the set date. The night before this set date, I freaked out and cancelled. Just like that. I as so worried that no body would like my stuff and all that jazz.


But as I (enviously) tramped through the fair through out the years, I thought maybe I was wee bit hasty. Some people sell barbies with no heads, and the worlds largest jam jar lid collection.


I threw everything else away expect for my drawings. So maybe with a touch up and nice frames, you never know! I better hunt out the knitting gear, today I was outside and their were some brown leaves on the road. The season is going to change soon, I might get it set up in time for Christmas!



2) You seem to have a nice indoor garden. What do you use the apple mint for?

Thank you very much! Although the recent heat wave nearly killed all my plants (and myself). That and watering them in the morning so they nearly fried,(lesson learned) and as for myself, waiting until the last minute to buy air conditioning , so much so that the heat wave was over by the next day. I might sell that on my stall at Christmas pawning it off as "a machine to get the real atmosphere of a winter wonder land in the home" I must write that one down.

This is my apple mint plant. A ickle baby!

( can you tell this picture was taken on my trusty camera phone?)
Not now though, it's a monster. I swear I have to look at it twice as I think it is morphing into a Venus fly trap. I would love to say I use the herb in stews, magical potions to stay youthfully young forever and the like, but to be honest, it's the only herb I haven't used and with good reason.
a) It might be a Venus fly trap

b) It makes a wonderful curtain for unwanted noisy neighbours.

3) What's the best recipe you have made?

Well, where do i begin? (stop laughing) I recently blew up my oven and I don't like microwaves so we seem to be eating a lot of soups!
This is my kitchen witch. She helps me not burn dinner. I have had her a while now, but in the last house I rented, I didn't put her in the kitchen as one of the other people who lived there were a bit funny (ignorant) about it. This resulted me one night putting baking soda and not cornflour into a casserole I had ready for 6 hungry guests. ( The worst part is that I served it.) I blame not having her.




So soup it is. Chicken and sweetcorn chowder was to die for recently!



Not perfect without some herbs sprinkled in. Baking soda banned in new kitchen unless under big fellas and kitchen witch supervision.


4) Describe your house keeping routine:

I like a tidy home. I love watching films like Practical magic, Sweet November and even Home Alone (on a summer's day?!?) purely because of the homes based in them. Don't even ask me what the films are about or who's in them. (who I'm I kidding, I can recite every word.)

This was a part of my kitchen four weeks after we moved in. Even in this picture it looks so boring. Not cluttered enough!


I like it now, but I am on the lookout for more hooks! I love the idea of recipe books in a kitchen ( I got that one out of Home Alone). I want to dry out my herbs and hang them from the shelves (practical magic) I am going to a flea market tomorrow and I can't wait. I want clutter clutter clutter. What did you say? What about big fella? Who's that?
( He got to put a Star Trek framed picture in the hallway, but there is no windows and the light's broken.No one can see it, so it works out fair and square.)

5) What is your favourite scent? How do you incorporate them in your life?

I do love aromatherapy! I have grown quite a collection and found these wee cabinets a flea market of all places! I just gave them a lick of paint and a shelf in the blue one, (a piece cut off the back of a old photograph album and the luck of gravity) I have already brought up my love for geranium, but another favourite is the heady rosewood. Ohh, I love that rosewoody smell!

For psychological conditions it is fantastic for

*Apprehension
* Day dreaming
* Stability
* GRUMPINESS

Says it all really. Also what comes in handy is when the big fella has a nagging tooth ache and weeps for the clove oil.
(Yet once relieved of his ache, he does that stupid man thing and says "It didn't really work, it went away before I used it." That's all right love, I will enjoy watching you search for the clove oil that's in my pocket next time that tooth ache decides to come back.)

Can't wait for flea market tomorrow, but at the moment it is raining buckets, I was so busy chatting about myself I forgot to look out the window at the clouds! Let's see what tomorrow's clouds bring us. Some clutter I hope. Bye!

Feel free to past by this blog

This is loonngg post people, it's a up date on my weekend. I know you must be so excited by that. So here's a cuppa (of anything you wish) so it's not so bad..........................

Friday: Work was awful. I shed a few tears through out the evening, analyzing, over analyzing, under analyzing, and finally decided juggling balls to it, I will deal with it on Monday.

That evening I decided to enjoy my weekend and planned things to do that I actually want to do. Juggling balls I say! I had a cheeky gin (or more) and had a lovely remainder of the night with me big fella when he came in from work, fresh as a daisy and not a tear drop in sight.

(Thank god, with the gin, things can go horribly wrong after having more than three, with me in the morning sheepishly laughing off the fact that my crying episode after watching the film Finding Nemo, caused me to call the big fella a "creature (or critter as I drunkenly rambled) hater, pointing manically at the sea world attraction/fish tank, in the corner of the room screaming "they can see the sea from the window for Christ sake!!!!!!!!"* ahem*)

******************************************************************

Saturday: Got up at ten (ish) and bid the big fella good bye before, all too late I might add, trying to warn him not to bang his head on the door frame on the way out to work. I chuckle every time. (I do love him, honestly. But you gotta laugh).
I lazied about drinking coffee, reading emails, blogs and deleting junk mail. (I have blocked and unsubscribed trillions of times, doing.my.head.in.) I was listening to Tori Amos so I was calm enough.
The big fella got off work early (shit!) so my daytime laziness stopped dead. I don't know what it is, I can't be lazy with him. He rarely gets a day off at the weekend so I want to do things with him, such as calling a estate agents to view the fancy houses up in Hale village and let on that we are a Lawyer and a doctor couple looking for "a bit of extra space."
I am always the lawyer, because people ask always ask Dr big fella how to cure a cold, while I shout "Eat loads of curries love! Lots of spices!" while dragging Dr big fella to the billiard room, stating " I like the concept of the contemporary colour scheme given in this space" giving him the lawyer Claire Stare.
.
In the end we went to visit his mum, say hello to dog and went to Hale village to view the outside of the fancy houses like any other respectable couple would do and got a bite to eat in the gorgeous old pub steeped in history.We said hello to the child of hale. His name is John Middleton.
We went to see the famous graveyard which held John Middleton, who was the tallest man in the world, (or as the village state, er, in the village) and he was nine foot three inches! That's nearly as tall as the big fella!If you are intrigued, click here.

There were graves dating from the 1600s, including a gravestone with a skull and crossbones on them! I was fine the first five minutes walking along when I realised I was walking on the graves. I started freaking out mumbling "sorry, so sorry!" to the grave stones while scrambling desperately for a path. I had also just watched Micheal Jackson Thriller video about a million times, I couldn't help it, it was all over the net.

I kept on getting visions of hands reaching out of the ground grabbing my leg. The big fella was trying to direct me in the right way, but was too busy laughing. I flung myself on the path screaming," let go of my ankle!"and jumped up mumbling "I feel rain, we better go love.".( I could have sworn I heard the same cackling laugh, like at the end of the song as I hobbled away, but realised it was the big fella lying on the ground pissing himself laughing).




These are the carvings from the wooden statue.





This is John Middleton's grave!


This is the point where I began to get nervous and thriller started reeling through my head. Also stuff like pirate's curses, The Goonies.................................................... No name, just the skull and cross bones.


Went home and drank some coffee, Mmmmmmmmmmm.............



and then went outside to take the camera for a walk and to get some snaps


It did rain eventually,(so I was right) and back home the big fella started lazing about again so I did some tidying up and some washing.The big fella then went out for the evening leaving with me this parting shot: "watch no one is under the bed to grab your ankles" Thanks for that one, I spent half an hour trying to figure out a way to turn the light off and vault myself into bed using a floor brush and not bang my knees of the frame.

*******************************************************************
Sunday: I got up early, and determined to get some fancy pants photos on my souper doper camera, got on the train into town and went to Liverpool's St George's hall. This is a stunning building and I suggest if your ever up this way, take a look!

Look, nasty security guard on the left, at the bottom of the corridor, freaking me out!


This security guard (a nasty git who refused to return a smile no less) followed me around, making my hands all sweaty and all shaky and made me forget how to use the bloody camera properly. I even asked if it was OK to take pictures before I got in. (Also, I was still getting over nearly vaulting myself out the bedroom window last night. I did miscalculate at couple of times, yes.)


Oh, I think I might have stole a blanket once from a hotel, GULP! As for drunkenness, I will refer to my uni days or Friday night.

See, these next pictures are crap because I could feel the security guards breath on my neck. I must look like a right wee thievin git! What I am going to steal? One of the light bulbs?





Finally home, I succumbed and lazied about with the big fella and that night watched the moon bloom through the window, thanking her for my lovely weekend! The next one can't come quick enough. By the way, to all in the USA, (and whoever else celebrates it) a very belated Happy 4th of July! Hope you are all well!

PS: I started writing this post yesterday. It's not the written drivel that takes time, it pours out of me, it would seem that, although blogger with now permit me to up load my souper dooper photos, you have to take the softly, softly approach. That, and not moving the laptop an inch for at least two hours while uploading, for fear of lost connection. I am so proud of this crap!

I think I will shut my gob for this post

.

























































With the Jasmine growing by the love of the moon,

To the huge cloud bat in the sky,
chasing the day time moon.
But the night moon becomes her own,
and gives me inspiration
to make a star for the skies.
Wishing you a fun and joy filled weekend.