Friday, 24 July 2009

If I get get swine flu, I so deserve it.

I did some thing bad. I am not allowed to tell any body, but I will tell you. This is how secret I think my blog is. (This is gonna bite me in the ass, isn't it?) OK. Here we go.

Last night I was on a roll. I was surfing through the Daily newspapers (National Enquirer, Star etc.) and spied upon Mel B from the Spice girls looking pretty amazing, with abs and all that. I suddenly thought, "I want to be like her!" I really got into it, you know, thinking "where can I buy those things called tracksuits?" and "whats my shoe size?" I vowed that tomorrow, coffee and cream cakes out and ice and seeds in!

Today:
I decided that twenty minutes after this revelation, that I am going to put this project on the side burner for now, considering I hardly have the money to buy food right now, so I guess it could been seen as a win win situation. Plus I walk up and down six flights of stairs everyday to get to my flat. That and the fact that they are practically vertical and leaves you plastered to the sofa, gasping for breath for at least twenty minutes afterwards. I think this should subsist.

I got into work early ready to take on the day! Woohhoo! 2 hours later I was sorry I did. There had been trouble brewing for a while and it all came to a head. Over the Christmas night out. (Give me strength)No, not the children like, never mind them. I work with fifteen other women and they all had PMS. At one point I had to drag some one out of the room and say "Stop giving me dirty looks! A child was climbing out the window the whole time!" and "Stop crying, go outside and calm yourself down, you look like Alice Cooper!"

Being the manager of a nursery is a pain in the arse. Not the children, I have never had belly laughs like them, but these things must I guess. I went outside for a breath of fresh air, and decided to sort it out. I sat them all down and let it turn into like an episode of The View. After twenty minutes of very near clawing and the occasional, "now, now" and"steady, steady" from me, they all got it out of their systems and were hugging and happy. The Christmas night out was not even mentioned once. Sigh.

After this episode, I was unbelievably tired, (Yet proud of the way I handled the tripe that ensued or that I wasn't arrested on charges of GBH for punching another staff member)and wanted to bunk off. It wasn't busy at all, in fact half the children are off because of the fear of swine f.... swine flu. Yes, I thought,"that should do it. Not saying I actually had swine flu, because that is just wrong, but just let on, you have the runs??"
Now,I know what your thinking "but you are the manager!!!" and "how could you?" But.... I have a even bigger NEW manager (who scares me slightly) and I have never gone off pretend sick before. Expect one day in school I wanted to play sickie and put Vick's (not Vaseline as instructed) in my eyes to make it look like you are crying. Hospital food isn't that bad to a seven year old.

So I theatrically dashed to the toilets a couple of times, which is placed right opposite my boss open door, crying "Oh no! Not again!" clutching my belly and trying to catch her eye. (Crashing into the door a couple of times, yes)
Job done, I then walked all wobbly to her door and explained my (horribly acted) plight. She immediately grabbed into her bag, pulling out an industrial sized anti Bax spray and soaking me in it while covering her mouth and giving me a disgusted look. "I'll go get some cover for my shift shall I?" as I slipped and slided on her plastic flooring.

Outside to freedom, and smelling strongly of chemicals, I got out my trusty mobile, (two blocks away from work and with a wig on, I ain't stupid.) and rung the big fella to pick me up in the trusty steed called car.
"I can't, you have the car keys." Monotone voice on big fella is grating. "How, when, why,don't talk wet!" came sputtering out of my mouth before I had a flash back of laughing earlier when I spied his keys in my bag thinking "ha ha". "It's alright, I'll get the bus!" I said. "No you won't, I am sitting here looking at your purse you left behind on the table this morning."Monotone voice screeching through my ears as I imagined big fellas smug face.

Two hours later, sweating, knackered and no in the mood for pleasantries (It's a long, mostly up hill two hour walk) I was faced with my six flights of vertical stairs. Served me bloody right, don't you think?

3 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Have a nice, relaxing weekend because it sounds like you could use it!

Sarah said...

I think that is what I have had - feel better! I left you a swan on my blog.....

Anonymous said...

Hi! Tried to email you, but it came back. Not sure what I did, lol, but thought I'd go ahead and leave this info here :O)
I'd love to be able to feature one of your witchy artworks during my 31 Days of Halloween! Thanks so much!

When you know what you'd like to donate, just shoot me off an email with a picture and any background info on you and/or the piece. Please include any links (etsy shop, website, your blog) that you'd like included, and where you are willing to ship to (just the US or worldwide).

Closer to October, I'll send you the exact date that your piece will be featured. When the winner is picked, I'll send you their info for direct shipping.

I'm so excited about how many people have already contacted me about participating in different ways! Last year was tons of fun, but this year is just going to be crazy!

Here is my direct email:
mrsbbradley AT gmail DOT com