Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Well, it's been a bit of a mad week so far. It all started on Friday night. I had been invited (forced) to go to a colleagues 21st birthday party. To be honest I don't like going to work dos, ( in my younger (other) life, when anybody asked me for the gossip the Monday after the staff do, let's just say they were looking at her.

But now I am just an old fart, who moans about having to go out, yet gurns like a baby when no body invites her because of it. Another reason is bitchiness. There, I said it. ( I actually feel like a bitch writing this, but this is not bitchiness, it's gossip. They don't know you and you don't know them. Let on your reading the national enquirer.)

I was sitting there (bit bored) and decided to excuse myself to the ladies. While getting comfortable so to speak, I couldn't help overhearing a conversation between two people, bitching about somebody. As I sat there (sorry for any unexplained graphic images) I thought to myself, " God, imagine if that was ME they were talking about. (can you tell where I'm going here?) I sooo realised, yep it was me. To be honest I was so busy thinking about what it would feel like if it where me, I didn't realise they where talking about me!

I prayed that they would leave the toilets, I was a bit embarrassed to say the least. It wasn't that bad what they said, it was just the fact I heard it. Awkward. Nobody likes to be talked about. My head was pounding with shame. Of course, the two girls in question stayed by the basin, chatting away, while I sweated until I had no choice but to come out. I just said "hiya girls, you having a good night?" Their faces, priceless. I wish I could write, "I shot out of them cubicles faster than a whippet and give them girls a good dressing down and give them my best Claire Stare for effect as I stumped through the door."
(hopefully pulling up my pants first.)

Then amongst other things that happened that I would need to start a new blog, last night I put on some dinner for me and the big fella (baked potatoes if you must know) and half an hour later when I was supposed to be cleaning the kitchen floor and reading your blogs instead, the oven blew up! Like, door smashing to smerthings (how do you spell that word?) all over the you got it, kitchen floor! So basically your blogs (and my laziness) saved my life! Any way, Big fella got home and first thing he said was, so what did you make for dinner instead?" ("might of been my dead body, if it were not for my awarding winning blog!" (I like to throw in the award bit when I'm stressed.)

I was not amused. I'll be honest with you, I shit myself when it happened. I was fragile. I am from Belfast. The last thing I want to here is any form of explosions. But trust me it gets worse. After spending an hour, yes an hour watching the big fella clearing up glass and potato peel from the oven/shelves/ceiling (he deserved that one) he put it all in huge container, heaved it to me and asked me to take it downstairs to the bin. (on purpose you say? Surely not. Mmmm) I would have until I lost my grip and I poured shards of tiny glass all over the carpet. Before he could throttle me, I ran to the hoover thing and furiously began er hoovering. It was making really loud noises which was good, because I can't stand moaning man, when all of a sudden....................................it stopped working. You don't think me hoovering up glass would have anything to do with it, do you? So, to sum up, we are having salad until remedy is found, start using a broom (personally, my favourite) and we will never ask anyone to ever take their shoes off when entering the flat for fear of death by excessive bleeding. Hope you are all well!

8 comments:

Audrey said...

Oh my stars Claire - how in the world do these crazy things happen to you? Anyway, I just want to say "You're welcome!" for saving your life! It was the least I could do after all of the laughs you have given me.

You are such a great blogger - crap (not a reference to your "ladies" story) I love visiting your wacky life!

Biggest hugs to you, you little award winning blogger you!

Rose said...

Oh my word Honey.... I am sending some lovely hugs... I would be shook up and upset after all that!

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

I have to say, I read your blog with a smile and am thanking my stars AI wasn't in your shoes in the bathroom or sitting at the computer when the oven blew up! My word, girl...what a story! I'm totally with you about being an old fart going out. Too much work to get excited for. I promise...if I ever make it there, I will NOT take off my shoes!

Pamela said...

Wow! Glad you are OK with the oven explosion and all...

What is "hoovering"? LOL

I am so glad to see you posting! I love your blog. :)

jaz said...

that is a funny story. i must say i love catching people talking about me. it just doesn't happen often enough. not the talking about me part but rather the me catching them part. ha!!! you have to always cut a slit in the potato or they will do exactly what yours did.. they are a holy mess when that happens but they still smell good!! thanks for the compliments on my place!

Sarah said...

Good grief hon!!! What a week!! I hate gossip - I wanna see a pick of the Claire stare!!! Giggle, snort - good for you and yikes how horrid!!! The stove thing...OMG so glad you were ok...turkey he should have been kissing your feet!!!! So glad you are ok hon!!! Huge squishy, very quiet hugs, Sarah

Tammy said...

OMGosh!!! Your post had me LOL'ing but I know you weren't when you were going through all that. poor dear!

SunTiger said...

Best possible outcome of that bathroom stall experience was to burst out for confrontation. {Holy bejeebers I'll bet you made those jealous gossipers stop to think.

Better to have a BAD reputation than NO reputation (I say).

Live life fully . . . order out for dinner.